Sex Trafficking of Serbian Women: The Workshop

The workshop was on Tuesday at NGO Atina. Four of the beneficiaries agreed to meet with me and Dragana, the psychologist. We will call them Vera, Jana, Melia, and Tanja, to protect their privacy.

So first, Dragana and I discussed what types of activities we would have to help the women practice their trust skills/ get trust skills. We agreed to break the ice by starting with a trust game. Some of you may know this game/hate this game (Dakota). The group is split up into pairs and one person is blindfolded and the other has to lead them around the building/apartment/room/whatever but do it without telling them where to go. This is a small practice of trust. The women had apparently done the exercise before for another workshop long ago but were on board to do it again. The women did very well, except for one instance where the telephone apparently jumped out and bit Melia, and no one was hurt. Afterward, we chatted about how it felt to be in the dark and trust someone else completely. They said it was difficult but they also trusted the other woman who was leading them so that made it a little better. We chatted more and, without me telling them the point of the exercise, they knew that they could overcome the uncomfortable feeling because they trusted the person and they trusted them because they had known them for a long time. Trust is not built overnight.

We did some brainstorming about what trust actually means to them and what it should look like ideally speaking. We wrote their ideas on the flip chart so everyone could see and comment. They said, trust is when you can tell someone your secret and they won't tell other people. Trust is when someone does not betray you. Trust is when someone shares some of their secrets with you too. Most of the comments were laced with their fears and knowledge of betrayal.

Then we talked about who it is in their lives that they would like to trust. Vera was very clear- no one that I don't already trust. (Vera is very pragmatic and straight forward.) Vera explained that it takes a while for her to trust people and that she watches and will begin to trust when she is ready and not sooner. Vera had a very difficult trafficking experience and was brutally beaten. She had the more violent experience of the women. She said that she never believes that anyone had it as brutal as she did. She tried to trust other girls and even protect them from being trafficked by her trafficker but the girls used the information against her and she was beaten for trying to help them.

Jana also had a violent trafficking experience and was actually trafficked by her mother and her brother. She is one of 7 children and she and one of her sisters were trafficked by her mother. She wants to know why she was trafficked. Jana wants to trust her mother but, as you can understand, is unable to. She explained why she wants to trust her (i.e. she is her mother) but that even now she has to testify against her mother in court and the family is giving her a guilt trip about making her mother go to prison. Also, the mother denies trafficking her at all.

Melia had a less violent trafficking experience but who are we kidding? What trafficking experience is a holiday? Melia would like to trust her mother and her brother but they are emotionally unavailable. For example, when Melia was stopped crossing the Croatian/Serbian border and held in jail her brother never came to get her. She stayed for a while with no one coming to her aid. Melia explained that her mother was never available to her. Was not there for her on her first day of school, did not do birthdays for her, was not at her graduation, was unimpressed by her diploma, etc. At this point, I started to tear up. Melia looked at me. I said, "I know how you feel. This story is just like mine." Melia moves next to me and rubs my shoulders as we cry a bit together and she says, "I'm sorry." I was overcome. What a doll! The compassion was so fantastic. I did not mean to cry and I think it was a good experience. Felt a little funny since I was facilitating the workshop and the women were so kind to me about it. Melia went on to say that her mother is always calling her saying she is sick and about to drop dead and when Melia goes to her she is just fine and is partying with a guy. She worries that if her mother continues to cry "wolf", one day Melia will not show up and she really will be ill.

Tanja spoke about her husband. Tanja is hilarious. She has the sweetest little baby boy and the sweetest little daughter "Lica". Lica speaks a bit of english and even helped me with my cyrillic. Smart girl! Tanja says that sometimes she just does not trust her husband. I asked her, do you ever tell him that? She said, "Yes! Sometimes I just say, 'I don't trust you right now.' And he says, 'okay.'" And that is that. I told her, well I think that sounds pretty straightforward. Her husband loves her and she loves him and they have their moments like any couple I know. Tanja had issues of trust even with one man that she fell in love with while she was trafficked. He visited her often and led her to believe that he would rescue her. In the end, he betrayed her and told the trafficker about her attempt to escape.

So Vera will trust when she is good and ready, Melia and Jana want to trust their respective mothers but their mothers are untrustworthy and Tanja wants to trust her husband but does most of the time. I told them, "hmmm... your "trust issues" sound pretty normal. You are not crazy. Trust is not 100% or 0%. Yes you may have issues with trusting people but that is due to the fact that the people you would like to trust you either already trust or they are untrustworthy. So let's practice smaller levels of trust with people you would like to get to know. When you meet someone and want to get to know them better, make plans for coffee. If they show up at the right place and at the right time then you know that is one small foundation stone of trust. Now, (for those of you reading this that know ME so well :P) if they show up but maybe not on time, perhaps you can trust that they will be late." This got some laughs.

So I had them make a "contract" with each other. They would all agree to meet for coffee (Tanja said "at my place finally! I have been trying to get them to come over!") and each one would bring one thing to the meeting. Something small like a pack of gum, cigarettes, etc. Just to practice being dependable and responsible to each other. They are already pretty good that way but this is more of a practice and they can use it with new people. Building the bridge of trust one stone at a time. They agreed to meet on Sunday at Tanja's. Tanja was pretty stoked. I told them I would follow up on Monday to see how it went. Tanja said, "well now if they don't show up I know I cannot trust them!" Laughter all around. Everybody is a comedian. ;)

We all thought the workshop went well even though we did not role play. The role play was not necessarily a good fit at this point. These women are very savvy and, with the guidance from Atina, have come a long way to being more comfortable with themselves and are more capable to trust because the folks at Atina have showed them there are people in the world who can be trusted. Sometimes not your family, sometimes not the police, sometimes not your friends, but trustworthy people, WE, are out there. Thankfully.

Next week I am off to Montenegro for some fun in the sun in the rugged beauty! Check out Montenegro here.

Blog at you later! OH! Check out my friend Amer's blog too! The Decadent South.

AND NOW FOR SOME RANDOM PHOTOS OF ME AT THE EXIT MUSIC FESTIVAL IN NOVI SAD!